And that’s why I talk to dead people…

Yesterday, I was contacted via my Ancestry account by someone who believed we were related because of her DNA results. I have to admit, I was ecstatic. This was the first time someone had reached out to me. I forgot everything I had planned on doing or was supposed to be working on and got right down to business. I wanted to give this lady all the information I could- in the hopes that I would also be gaining a new branch on my tree.I even skipped breakfast!!! Okay, I might have been a bit overly eager and a little to willing to please, but it was a BSO and I had to chase it. I had to.

Anyway, after I had gathered the requested information and composed it in a nice and tidy Ancestry message, along with some well placed questions of my own, I sat back and began to look for this lady and her tree to try and get a head start on the awesomeness I was sure she would be providing me. I quickly became irritated because she did NOT have a tree! After searching Ancestry repeatedly and coming up with nothing- not even that pesky message displayed when people have private trees. (I subsequently learned that members with private trees now have the option to keep their tree entirely hidden- boo,hiss,boo- but that did nothing to quell my agitation.)

I expected that this lady would respond to my return message almost immediately, just like I did with her. Yeah, that didn’t really happen either. So, now I was really annoyed. Of course I had to get consolation from one of the genie groups I belong to on Facebook; which of course kept me engaged and further distracted from whatever it was I was supposed to be doing…

Finally, my ‘diligent’ waiting was rewarded with a response of sorts… Whoever said “good things come to those who wait” has obviously never been a genealogist. When I was finally able to decipher this seemingly encrypted message, I had a not so excellent taste in my mouth. Admittedly, I have not taken the DNA test, so I am completely naive to how it works. All I knew was this lady’s DNA results told her she was related to this person in my tree. Here is where I began to feel not so confident in what she was telling me. First, the connection in question is LONG dead. Like she was born in the mid 1800s, so to my ignorant to DNA self, I want to know how you are coming up with this supposed link.

More waiting for another response.

This one was a bit easier to decode. She began to tell me information about the people in her tree, whom she believed to be the same people in my tree. Her Lucinda was born in the early 1800’s (around the same time my Lucinda’s mother was born)… She was also a slave in Tennessee, on the plantation of someone having the same sir name as Lucinda… It was clear to me that they were not the same people, as my Lucinda and her family came from Maryland and to date, have not been found to have been a slave. The only thing this lady had going for her, was the name Lucinda and her father and brother’s name and of course the sir name…

But, she as still trying to convince me that we are some how, some way connected because DNA said so. She finally admitted that she had found me through a cousin’s tree and that was why she had contacted me and that those names and apparently generation is where the DNA said there should be a match.

I couldn’t tell her that my cousin was adopted and that quite possibly there was a match with him because of that, because that of course is not my place to discuss…

You may be wondering why I titled this entry the way I did, as I have done nothing but talk about a conversation with a living, breathing person. Well, you see, my tree is public. Anyone can view it. Anyone can see all of my dead and gone. Even as I am in the midst of separating my father’s side from my mother’s side into two separate trees, it is still public. And ALL OF THE INFORMATION I gave to her, she could have gotten herself. There was no need to contact me and throw me this bone that I spent the better part of the day chasing. (Okay, I could have done other things whilst awaiting her replies, but seriously, can you walk away that easily from your tree opened in front of you, with the possibility of new information coming to you? Yeah, I think not. So, don’t judge me.) I wasted my whole day chasing this BSO… and it turned out to be fool’s gold.

At least when the dead people talk to me, they lead me to an interesting something or another- even if I have to go around the mulberry bush three times, through the woods and to the bottom of the sea to find it.

In the future, I hope people will contact me again. After all, that is why my tree is public. Let’s just agree to not force the square beg into this triangle piece- okay?

Thanks for reading this entry! I would love to hear about the first time you were contacted by someone claiming to be connected to you. How was that experience for you? Or have you ever willingly allowed yourself to be distracted with your genealogy work and it turned out to be a bust? Tell me about it in the comments. And as always, don’t forget to like and share!

 

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2 comments

  1. Susan M. Buckner · June 26, 2016

    I have spent hOurS, probably dAyS, following eventual “busts.” 😉 All part of the genealogy-research adventure… (And you DID learn sOnEtHiNg: that, you can cross those “leads” off your list! 😊)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. chmjr2 · June 26, 2016

    Been there done that. That is one reason I keep my tree private. The other is if you keep your tree public people get the information they want and do not bother to contact you. I like it when they contact me to see my tree and I can see what they have also, it is a win win. I also help them no matter if they can help me or not.

    Liked by 1 person

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